I was working with one of my private coaching clients, Steve (not his real name. And Steve has run into a dilemma that a lot of guys face when they finally get good at attracting women. They have trouble keeping the ones they really want.
Steve told me a story of how he had recently met a girl through a mutual friend,
“She was hot, smart, and totally into me, We were talking almost every day.” he explained to me.
Then then she went cold.
“All the sudden I could tell things had changed. I could just feel it in my gut. It was over”
And sure enough, a week later she started making excuses why she couldn’t hang out,
And finally, she was gone.
So what did Steve do wrong?
It was three main things,
(AND PAY ATTENTION BECAUSE THESE THREE THINGS MIGHT BE HOLDING YOU BACK TOO)
3 Reasons a Girl Loses Interest
I had Steve send me some transcripts of his text messages with her,
And I also asked some pretty intimate questions about how he felt about her, and how he expressed it to her,
1. He was way too needy
Yes. An obvious one. But here’s the thing with neediness. Most guys assume because they feel a certain way towards a girl, that she feels the same way. And they think “Ah,I can finally drop the game.”
Unfortunately, you can’t.
As I scanned over Steve’s text chats I noticed he continually sent her things like “what you doing today?” And always seemed to want to be in contact with her,
And he NEVER ended the exchanges first. NEVER.
He also expressed major disappointment the few times she turned down one of his invites to go out. When a girl is still making up her mind about you, you’ve got to avoid putting any pressure to make a quick decision. This is because almost always she’ll choose the one you don’t like.
The best way to do this is NEVER make up YOUR mind about a girl too soon. Be the one holding out to make sure what that she’s the one you really want.
And the ironic thing is that when you take this attitude, you’ll find that she becomes the one that gets a little “needy”
2. Insecurity
While Steve’s game dramatically improved over the past year, he still had a self image of a guy who got picked on in high school. And was never quite comfortable around “the cool crowd.”
What a lot of dating gurus fail to tell you is that once you start scoring hotter chicks, you’re going to have to start socializing with a different crowd. And you’ve got to be comfortable in those situation.
Steve wasn’t.
And his insecurity was obvious. Steve had what i refer to in my as “Us vs Them” mentality towards hot chicks and alpha guys. He still sort of resented that he wasn’t part of the club. And tried to make himself feel better by criticizing them, and pointing out their deficiency. Which Only served to make HIM come across as petty and insecure to the woman.
3. Lack of ambition
lazyYounger guys can get away with lack of ambition. But once you’re over twenty five a woman immediately recognizes where you fit on the totem pole.
And MOST women much rather prefer to be with a guy who has the attitude of “I’m going to conquer the world,”
On the other hand, Steve worked a job he hated, and bitched about it constantly. Ambition turns women on. Period. A “Poor me” attitude just as quickly turns them off.
If you want a woman to be excited about being with you, You need to be excited about your future, about where you’re going in life, Make her want to come along for the ride,
Make yourself an opportunity she can’t pass up,
As you can see, Keeping a girl interested in you after you have attracted her, is much more of an internal thing,
You can fake a girl out in a bar. You can fake her out for a few dates, But if you’re not the total package internally, you can bet your last penny that she’s going to realize it sooner rather than later,
